fahrenheit

New Brunswick, NJ -- I've been rotating in a different hospital this month. I actually appreciated this change in environment. Somehow Neptune was getting to me. And I love getting lost in a place where no one knows you. You can just hide in one corner, and just watch people pass by. People don't mind you because they don't really care. It's a bigger hospital so it's easier to get lost. And I love love love the fact that I don't have a pager on me. No one can control my day; no one can control my life. I am my own master. My favorite spot is under the giraffe statue that says every 2 minutes,"Come under my head, and I'll measure your height." I go under her (it has long eyelashes so I think the giraffe's a girl) and wait for her to say," You are 5 feet 10 inches." I do that at least 2 times a day. Somehow, I just need to confirm if I'm still me and not shrinking away to nothingness.

You can detect from my writing that i haven't been my happy self lately. Not going home is the biggest factor. My grandfather's death is another one. So in this state of melancholy, I go drag myself to that hospital every day. Mind you, I have to wake up really early because I have to drive 33 miles (50 minutes) to get there. One day, I was in the elevator on my way up to see patients. My head was down because I was just sad and I don't like making eye contact with strange people. Then comes in this dorky doctor (I hate dorks) reeking of Fahrenheit perfume (I didn't know they still made this perfume). Suddenly, flashes of Mr. Cruz and all the happy memories of high school came back to me. I closed my eyes and imagined walking along the halls of dear St. Scho, surrounded by friends and teachers dear to me. I sniffed and sniffed until I sniffed out all the Fahrenheit I could sniff out of the dork's pathetic pale blue polo. I walked out of the elevator with a silly grin on my face. For the first time in a month, I found a reason to smile.